Help with Adult-ing...

Hey all...

I am not sure how to get this into the main forum so I'm going to just write it and then make a plea for help in the field. :D


So... I gotta question for you all... and just for the record? I am NO spring chicken but I still find the world a confusing place and all that jazz.

I just got out of an abusive marriage, mental and emotional, and moved into my own place so I am, yet again, navigating the world as a single woman. ON most days, I love it. Like adore it, love it, no complaints at all — however, when it comes to the whole dating thing, this is when my brain goes, WTF? HOW? WHAT? WHY? I joined OKCupid about 4 months ago and it was not so bad at all — I went out on 3 dates and all of them were really quite lovely and 2 of them did not pan out. The third one, however, seems to be sticking a bit. This confuses and scares me and this will be from whence the bulk of my questions arise...


So... we'll call him Orbit... Orbit and I went out on our first date about a month and a half ago — we've been talking for about 2.5 months — our first day was an exploratory coffee that went well and I was a bit indifferent to him. Then we went out for lunch. Then we went out for dinner. Then we met for drinks... during one of those dates, i somehow became very attracted to him physically and mentally and I feel the feeling was mutual. On one of those dates, he gave me a small, exploratory kiss that both of us were like, whoa... on another one of those dates, we had a kiss that literally blew both our socks off. And so, we have interspersed dating with hot and heavy make out sessions that are, quite literally, mind-fucking-blowing. Like I'm astounded by how our brains and bodies work together. it's really quite great and I'm digging it. we also spend a lot of time gazing like goofy idiots into each others' eyes. Which though slightly yack-worthy, is fully charming to me having spent 10 years in a marriage where I was not treated well or with love.

So... that background all given... we are both a little afraid of the 'commitment' thing — he has been divorced for about 2 years and has 2 young daughters. His last relationship broke up because the woman he was with wanted marriage and kids and everything to her, such as sleeping over and such, signified a relationship milestone that he was expected to acknowledge. Right? I'm not there. May never be. Don't really ever place expectations on people. However? I am emotional and giving and very, very open. I tend to like to lay out my emotions in a none threatening way and in a way that does not imply that they are imbued with expectation.


So... this man has gone away for a week — he's giving a lecture in a foreign country. During the time he is away it is his birthday and Valentine's day. I have also noticed that since he's been away, this contact is minimal to say the least. We usually talk a bunch of times during the day — checking in to see how the other's day is going to. Say good morning. Say goodnight. All that jazz. So, I'm fairly intelligent — I know the's there for a reason and I know that sometimes using and iPhone in another country can be daunting or impossible. But I have travelled extensively and I do know that wifi is available in most places.

So, i'm wondering if this is cause for concern? If I should just chalk it up to he's busy and in a foreign country? That's how I lean. But I it's his birthday and I feel confuzzled as to whether or not I should mention it. I mean... we do barely know each other really. Valentine's day is a non issue for me really, I am not a stickler for it in any way... however... I guess I think that at the beginning of any relationship, you can easily and with great success, use these preformatted holidays to your advantage with only a very small gesture.


Am I over thinking things? I had told myself that if I hadn't heard from him over the week his is gone, I think I'll just let this thing fizzle out. I mean, I just came out of a relationship where I was treated poorly and where my feelings were never, not once, taken into account and I don't want to keep having this cycle repeated in my world.

So yeah... It's a ramble, I know... but I guess I just wanted some feedback and what you all think.


Just so you know too? I am a VERY independent person and I don't feel the need to be coddled or babied or texted every second but I find that I don't do well when a pattern is established and then it's broken because I'm not going to bring it up and berate him or ask why — i'm probably just going to assume the worst and book it.

Help me adult, please.



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